Simple

It’s scary to think of permanence, and the END. We always seem to think it’s not really over with, and things can change… but that feeling we get when something is really permanent is one of my greatest fears. The end of relationships, a home, growing old, and just moments of the past. They end, and believe it or not, we actually move on and continue to live. Well i should say, some of us do. Some of us can’t move on, and never move on. They continue living their life in the past and cannot move forward. See that is dangerous. Living in the past makes us static (we don’t change). We can’t improve, and we become obsessed and almost unable to properly live a normal life. 

I keep living in the past when it comes to friendships. At times you have to let go. You recall all the good moments in that friendship in the past, but seem to ignore the negative effect that they have on you PRESENTLY. But then i tell myself, after all that hard work in the past, how can it just end so quickly in a single moment. Did all of those moments in the past mean ANYTHING? 

I have soon learned that some things happen so that you can keep moving forward. I tell myself : how am i going to live my life without that person. And then i remind myself of all of the great accomplishments that i achieved without that person. It is possible to do it, but for me it’s one of the hardest things. 

Fuck. 

I love my friend, but they don’t love me anymore. 

And i guess thats meant to be in a weird twisted way. 

Pce and blessing

San Fran 

Gold teeth and a curse for this town

so,

I’ve come to a realization since i’ve been away from home. Away from special friends, and special relationships. I’ve realized that I can’t save all relationships. See it’s easy to say, but when you really loved that person and you still do, it’s one of the hardest thing to just pretend it didn’t happen. They say the past is not to relive them, but just to remind you (lupe cred). I remember all the good times with that person, but I also remember the bad times. 

I wrote one last letter, just for them to read. I honestly don’t think that i’ll get an answer since it’s almost been a week. But the main point is for the person to just read it. Absorb it, and then the balls in their court. I don’t want to force. I just hope that they realize the abundant amount of love i have for them. If they don’t, then it was not meant to happen. They’ve already settled without me, and found out more about themselves. They’ve found a new best friend, and they’re living. Im so happy for them, but it’s bittersweet because i was not there while they grew. But at the same time, they were not there while i grew. So we are growing in different places with different people. 

Maybe not in this life, but i know that it’s not the end (KOL). Im not capable of letting things like that just END. 

Their letter was right. Our life might not be on the same path, but i’ll never forget the imprint they made on my life. And i hope i did the same in their life. 

I love you.

San Fran